#rudi if it's you i'm gonna kill you

[bu-blegh-ost]

Okay, but like. The spy. The mole. For me immediately only one person comes to mind. Here is the way I think.

It is absolutely not Marshall John. He was clearly not in the spy division granted he had a crew and literally lazed around in Cannella long enough to abuse authority there. And after that there is absolutely NO WAY Navy's plan was to fucking execute him in the BLOCK and have Riptide Pirates go for him, on a downright suicidal mission so he joins ANOTHER crew. They could not predict nor plan for this. John is absolutely clean in my book.

Caspian. Ooof, it would be so tragic, cause he's always been there for Lizzie. They knew each other for YEARS, literal years, they were raised together. And that's exactly why he's not the mole. After leaving his tribe, which we know must be true since he mentioned his sister leaving to the capital and I'm pretty sure she is one of the Elders now, he went above water and spent most of his late childhood/teenage years with Lizzie on the Shadowbeard's ship. In no point in time were they split, and so Caspian would have absolutely no way to be trained as an undercover solider. Caspian is not a mole.

But who then, you may wonder? These are the main two closest to Lizzie, right? We don't know anyone else, right? Wrong. There is a new addition to her crew, quite recent actually and it's no one other than Rudith. The fucking healer from Joaldo island, one who had connections with Grandberry Pirates, letting them hang out under his fucking pharmacy. Rudith from Joaldo island which weirdly got attacked the same time a large amount of pirates were gathered there for a tournament. Rudith, who kept saying that life at sea is not really a life for him, and yet when they dropped the fucking sick at Edison Kingdom he surprisingly CHOSE to stay with Lizzie instead and had an absolute honour to listen to them all talking abt thier goddamn plans when they were in a tavern in Allport.

Quiet little, forgettable Rudith. A healer of the crew who just happened to be here. One that interacted with Riptide Pirates so little they don't even remeber he was there.

A perfect fucking mole.

[bettys-redwinesupernova]

THE PRANK THAT BACKFIRED (sort of?)

drew starkey x fem!reader

SUMMARY: reader and drew decide to play a prank on the obx cast for her youtube channel. they do the “asking to have another girl over” prank, which results in a very angry obx cast who are out to get drew😅

based on this ask !! i hope this is what you asked for @xoxosblogsblog !! i had so much fun writing this and it was ADORABLE, i hope you like it :)) <3

WARNINGS: pure tooth-rotting fluff, slight angst (not really), like one (?) curse word, insinuation of cheating (the prank), chase & rudy threaten to “throw hands” with drew lmao. (lmk if i missed anything!)

WORD COUNT: 1.25k

THIRD PERSON +

Y/N adjusted the camera, angling it perfectly to catch the cozy backdrop of the apartment she shared with Drew during her surprise visit to the set of Outer Banks season four.

The faint hum of laughter and chatter outside hinted at the cast heading out to grab food, giving her the perfect opportunity to set her plan into motion.

"Hey, guys!" she began with a bright smile, wiggling her fingers to the camera. "Welcome back to my channel. Today, I've got something hilarious planned. You've seen those TikTok pranks where someone asks if they can bring another girl over while their partner's friends or family are listening, right? Well, I'm doing it today—with Drew."

She smirked, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "I've got the cast in on this. Well, not really in on it—they think I'm at a friend's place for the night, so this is going to be pure gold. Let's see how much they love me and how far they'll go to defend me from Drew's, um... betrayal."

She turned the camera to Drew, who sat beside her on the couch, half-smiling, half-shaking his head.

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this," Drew muttered, running a hand through his hair. "They're going to kill me."

"Kill us, you mean," Y/N teased, poking his side. "But it'll be worth it. Trust me."

"Uh-huh," Drew replied, arching a skeptical eyebrow. "When JD and Rudy show up with pitchforks, you're taking the blame."

Y/N laughed, her grin widening as she leaned into him. "Oh, come on. You know they love me too much to actually hurt me. You, on the other hand..."

Drew sighed dramatically but couldn't hide the small smile tugging at his lips.

A few minutes later, Y/N tucked herself behind the camera, keeping it trained on Drew. Drew pulled out his phone and dialed JD's number, putting the call on speaker. The phone rang twice before JD answered, his voice lively with the sounds of clinking plates and background chatter.

"Yo, Starkey!" JD greeted. "What's up, man?"

Drew exchanged a quick glance with Y/N before diving in. "Hey, would you guys mind if I invited someone over?"

The line went silent for a beat, then JD's confused voice came through. "Uh... sure? Who?"

"Just a friend," Drew said casually.

"Cool, yeah," JD replied, his tone nonchalant. In the background, Madelyn could be heard asking, "Who's he inviting over?"

"Oh, she's just someone I met recently," Drew added, making his voice as nonchalant as possible.

Madelyn's voice sharpened. "Wait, she? Did he say she?"

JD stammered for a moment, then said, "Uh, Drew, man, what are you talking about? You have Y/N—why are you inviting another girl over?"

"It's not that deep," Drew said smoothly, earning a wide-eyed stare from Y/N as she struggled to keep from bursting into laughter.

"Not that deep?" Madelyn's voice rose an octave. "Are you fucking insane? Y/N is literally the best thing that's ever happened to you. You're just going to, what, throw her away for some random girl?"

"Yeah, Drew, what the hell?" Rudy's voice chimed in. "Y/N's gonna find out, dude. She always finds out."

"She's not even here," Drew argued. "And I just want some alone time with this girl. Is that so bad?"

Madelyn's voice was nearly a shriek now. "YES, IT'S BAD! You're in a relationship, Drew! A really amazing one, with an incredible person who, by the way, loves you more than anything!"

"And we love her!" Carlacia added. "You're crazy if you think we're not calling her right now."

"Right?!" Chase's voice joined the chorus, sounding equally appalled. "Drew, what is wrong with you?"

JD sighed loudly. "Man, I'm so disappointed right now. Y/N's, like, the nicest, funniest person ever. She's practically family. I don't even know what to say to you."

Y/N clamped a hand over her mouth, tears forming in her eyes from trying not to laugh. Drew, ever the actor, kept his tone neutral but shot her a playful glare.

"You guys are overreacting," Drew said, feigning exasperation. "I mean, Y/N doesn't have to know, right?"

The collective gasp from the group was loud enough to make Y/N choke on her laughter.

Madison started a rant so fierce it almost made Drew break. "First of all, how dare you? Second of all, Y/N deserves so much better than this! She's gorgeous, sweet, funny—literally the whole package! And you're just going to throw that away? For what?!"

"I can't believe you right now," Rudy chimed in. "If you're serious about this, I'm calling her. Like, right now."

"No, don't—" Drew began, but Y/N couldn't hold it in anymore.

Her laughter burst out like a dam breaking, echoing through the room. Drew immediately broke character, laughing along as he waved his hands at Y/N’s camera.

"Wait, wait!" Y/N called out, coming into view of her camera. "Guys, relax! It's a prank!"

There was a stunned silence on the other end of the line, followed by a cacophony of voices.

"Are you serious?!" Madelyn exclaimed. "You scared the crap out of us!"

"You both are the worst," JD groaned.

Rudy's laugh boomed through the speaker. "I was about to knock some sense into you, man."

Chase chimed in with mock indignation. "I was ready to drive back and throw hands, Drew!"

Y/N giggled, holding her stomach as she leaned against Drew. "I'm so sorry, but I couldn't resist! I saw it on TikTok and knew you guys would freak out. And you did not disappoint."

Madelyn groaned dramatically. "You two are so lucky we love you."

JD sighed. "I'm not speaking to you for a week."

"Okay, that's fair," Drew said with a grin.

Eventually, after more playful scolding and laughter, the group hung up, leaving Drew and Y/N alone again. Y/N turned off the camera, still giggling as she leaned back against the couch.

"That was amazing," she said, wiping tears from her eyes.

Drew shook his head, his expression somewhere between amusement and exasperation. "You're lucky they love you. If it were just me, they'd probably disown me."

Y/N smiled, sliding closer to him. "Well, can you blame them? I mean, look at me. I'm kind of a big deal."

He laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "You really are. They adore you, you know that? It's one of the things I love most about us—how easily you fit into my world."

Her teasing smile softened as she gazed up at him. "It means a lot to me, too. They're like family. And so are you."

Drew leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "You're everything to me, Y/N. I hope you know that."

Her heart melted as she cupped his cheek, her thumb brushing against his jawline. "I do. And you're everything to me, too."

They stayed like that for a moment, wrapped up in each other. The laughter, the teasing, the chaos—it all melted away, leaving just the two of them in their shared little world.

"You think they'll forgive us?" Drew asked after a moment.

Y/N smirked. "Oh, they'll forgive me. You, on the other hand..."

Drew groaned, burying his face in her shoulder as she laughed.

"Totally worth it," she whispered, pressing a kiss to his temple.

betty’s notes ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

this was so so adorable and so much fun to write !! i hope you all enjoyed, and please please please like and reblog, it means the world when you do <3

my asks are still open so please don’t hesitate to send any in !! i’m in the mood to write some angst, hurt/comfort if you have any requests for drew or rage <3

[midnightshindig]

ik its cliche, but enemies to lovers with cecil? remember to go easy on yourself! 😊

Cecil x Gn!Reader

I looooove enemies to readers, thank you for the request!!

this ended up being more annoying reader x annoyed Cecil BUT I still like it ^^;

Hcs under the cut!

Cecil doesn't believe in letting Talent go to waste

So when an alien humanoid spy seduces and almost takes down the GotG from the inside out, he's intrigued

But to be fair, it isn't hard to get past Rex.

Watching you disarm Rudy, Amanda, Zandale, and even Rae though? was impressive

So you ended up in his care, being slowly re-educated on Earth customs

Cecil was sure that, at the very least, you could provide good information on your home planet

What he wasn't expecting was your attempt to break out to go so well

He gets a call at like four in the morning that you've escaped your cell, and are currently awol

Shit.

What surprises him is when he sees you at a work event two weeks later, on the arm of some clueless big wig

"Ohhhhh Renold, you're soooo funny!"

He's showing you off like some pet

Cecil marches over and grabs you by the arm, dragging you into a private room at the event

"What the hell are you doing?! You escape and you're already trying to infiltrate us?" He slams you by the shoulder into the ornate wallpaper, he's trying to be intimidating

It isn't working.

You raise an eyebrow, pursing your lips at him

"Maybe I just wanted to see you <3" You wink, catching him just off guard enough for your to slip his grasp, escaping into the door next to you and out through a window.

Damn, you're good.

The next few months of Cecil's life are like this: a sick cat-and-mouse game in which you continually try different ways to espionage your way into government ranks.

Every time he personally catches you, like you want him to, and you're so quick with the comments:

"Uh oh, you caught me, you gonna lock me up?"

"Cecil! Baby it's been too long, lemme take these files and we'll get coffee sometime"

"Yknow that tie really does something for you, did you cut your hair?"

"Is that a state-issued walkie-talkie in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"

it's driving him crazy.

It culminates when finally Cecil catches you again, as you're handcuffed and he's personally interrogating you

you've been getting under his skin

and he's so fucking tired of seeing you in those revealing clothes, trying to shmooze your way into international secrets.

What was your angle? What did you want? You had to know the flirting wasn't going to work on him?

Well hell, if you did you certainly didn't show it

"haiiiii <3" You smiled sweetly as Cecil walked into the room, stoic as ever

He took a seat across from you, ignoring when your heel knocked his loafer

"You're being charged with espionage and fraud, as well as failure to self-report upon arrival to Earth, and, of course, breaking out of prison."

"My my, that sounds serious!" You were fucking with him

Cecil scowled "Who the hell are you and what do you want?"

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!" Your awful impression made Cecil's eye twitch

"I'm being fucking serious, y/n. I can have you put away somewhere higher capacity, highest security, somewhere even you won't escape from."

You leaned forward, resting your head on your flat palms, propping onto the table "As long as I get to see you, Cecil-Weasel" you stuck your tongue out with a flirty wink

He stood up, slamming his hands on the table "DAMNIT- ugh- fuck. What." he stared you down, bubbling as he spoke "What do you want?"

You sighed, phasing through the handcuffs and walking freely around the room

He didn't know you could do that.

Could you do that the whole time? Why? Why bother with the infiltration?

"I want something to do, my home planet sent me here to assess your protectors, and we suuuuuuuck, you guys are actually kind of great" Your voice was bored, if not grated

Cecil watched as you sat on the table, crossing your legs with pizzaz

"But my boss is a dickhead and doesn't believe me, sooooo I'm stuck here until they try and invade, lose-- because our only powers are Danny fucking Phantom-- and then finally get to go back home when they fail."

You admired your nails before glancing at Cecil. "So now, I'm just an alien trying to have some fun while I'm here."

Cecil just blinked

an alien invasion? But you seemed confident they would fail spectacularly, was this part of the ploy? What were you playing at?

"So... if you could phase through things, why bother with the kiss-ass and roleplay? Surely there are more entertaining things than that." He folded his arms, choosing to pick his battles about your lack of containment.

You sighed, twirling your hand at the wrist as you spoke "Yeahhh, it's whatever. Maybe I just wanted to see you, piss you off. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're just as much of a dick as my boss, but-" you leaned back on your arms, scanning him up and down "you're pretty cute for a human."

Cecil could feel his face burn red

But he had decades of practice on keeping his composure and maintained it well

"Okay, I'll make you a deal."

"oh I love deals."

"Quiet." he sighed "You work for me--"

"Oh goodie." your dry voice cut through

"Quieeeet..." Cecil hissed, before continuing "You work for me, I give you entertaining jobs, you're on a short leash but you're not being hunted like an animal. In exchange, you get an apartment, a little bit of money, and-"

"I want you to take me for an Earth date. I've been told they're supposed to be fun, but the ones I've been on have been quite miserable." You tilted your head dryly, not a hint of sarcasm or humor in your voice

What the fuck is your deal?

"Um. Okay? So you agree."

You stand up, motioning to shake his hand, before kissing the back of it "Mhm ^^"

Cecil is a grown ass man

The head of the GDA

And here he is with a cute alien across from him drinking a frappuccino with whipped cream

God damn. He had to hand it to you, he'd been hustled.

But I mean, fuck, he couldn't even be that mad about it?

Like, okay. Yeah, you're cute and pretty, and whatever, sure.

But this is just for national security.

Him paying the check and holding your hand is just for discretion to not draw attention

Him walking you to your new apartment instead of teleporting is just to stay in character

When you give him a cheeky kiss before smiling at him and running inside your apartment, it's just to hold up pretenses for your neighbors.

Right?

But, then you demand to see him again, once for every mission you accomplish. And a sick ritual forms

He's going for the good of the world and to be as prepared for this alien invasion as possible

But he kinda enjoys the break from work

You complete a mission, and Cecil takes you out, that's the new deal

an unspoken one that quickly roots itself in both your lives

The movies, roller skating, public gardens, and all the things about Earth made it exciting.

He finds himself looking forward to these outings

You seem so fascinated with it all, so genuinely pleased to be there and to be around him

Sure, you're coy and snide and a flirt, but you're refreshingly genuine when it counts

And Cecil starts doubting if he can keep up with this

"Yknow...." you trail off, a paper pamphlet detailing the walking trail for the Bronx Zoo. "This is like our tenth date and you still haven't kissed me yet."

Cecil just about chokes on his zoo themed water from his lion shaped cup

"What."

"Yknow!" you roll your eyes and fold your arms, pamphlet tucked under your armpit "Even on my home planet you would've made a move by now, I'm starting to get offended."

Cecil's shocked "You know this is just so you'll do your job, right? Y/n this is so that you stop terrorizing and colluding with governmental officials, not because I enjoy playing high school sweethearts with you!" he's frustrated, made all the worse by the fact he is enjoying himself

You stare at him for a moment, before shrugging "Whatever man." it's harsh, almost calloused. What he said really bothered you "You don't wanna admit it, sure, fuck it."

You stomp off, and the rest of the date is tense as hell

Cecil has to grapple with what he wants to do, to like actually make a move or to keep up this infuriating charade

and fuck are you infuriating.

As you're standing against the door to your apartment, Cecil devices to just embrace the 2000s romance anime cringe of it all and kiss you

It's magical (for you) and pretty enjoyable (for him)

and when he backs up, you've got this shit eating grin on your face

cocky bitch

Cecil raises an unimpressed eyebrow, watching as you smile wider and phase through your door

he's all "okay at least that's over" before he hears the door unlock

"Come onnnn! Come in come in!"

and so he does, promptly entering your apartment for the first time

It's nice.

you've decorated it in a surprisingly mature manner, it's definitely you, but it has a charm to it

"Cmon, make yourself at home, get comfortable."

and he did

Maybe. ugh. Cecil groaned at the improbability and romcom nature of his thoughts

but maybe

ewwww okay seriously this is so fluffy and too emotional for Cecil-

his doubts cleared when you came back into the room with a coffee tray and a pack of cards

"I got you a black coffee, and I want you to teach me how to play your human card games. I see the guys at HQ play them and I want to know how"

Cecil settled into your couch with a familiar ease, taking in the scene

Maybe you weren't so bad after all

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD #16

Alejandro: Hey, Rudy? Rudy: Yes? Alejandro: When I die, donate my entire body to science. Rudy: Alejandro: Except for my middle finger, give that to Graves. Rudy: Rudy: Okay. ---- Roach: If you add 'uwu' at the end of a sentence, it makes it cute. Gaz: You're right uwu. Price: I agree uwu. Ghost: I'm going to kill all of you uwu. Soap: Don't uwu. Ghost: Fuck you uwu. ---- Sherlock, apologizing: .. .--. - / ... - .-. .-. -.- Nikolai: What's that? Sherlock: Remorse code. Nikolai: I'm even angrier now. ---- Laswell: I expected better from you. Price: Well, that was your fault. I got nothing to do with that. ---- Sherlock: Did you guys buy eggs like I asked? Gaz: Even better! Sherlock: ...What did you do? Roach, holding up a chicken: Here! Gaz: Her name is Kyle Junior! ---- Roach: You amaze me and scare me. Roach: I can't tell if I'm attracted to it or want to run away. Sherlock: I'm hoping it's the former. But I like when people are scared of me. Roach: Yeah it's definitely both. ---- Soap: Wanna come over and watch some Marvel movies? Ghost: Ehh. I'm more of a Disney kinda guy. Soap: Ghost: Soap: Big Hero 6? Ghost: Big Hero 6. ---- Laswell: You're on thin ice. Price: I'm on the floor. Laswell: It's a metaphor. Price: It's a carpet. ---- Alex: How did he die? Farah: Natural causes. Alex: You pushed him off the roof. Farah: Gravity is natural on this planet. ---- Alejandro: Crushes are the worst. Rudy: Yeah, whenever I'm around someone I have a crush on I always acting nervous and super fidgety. Alejandro: You're always acting nervous and super fidgety. Rudy: Yeah you don't wanna think on that too hard. ---- Soap: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 for 1 minute. Sherlock: No, that's not how you make cookies. Ghost: How about 4,000,000 for 1 second?

Sherlock: yOU’RE GONNA BURN THE BASE DOWN-

Roach: WE’RE GONNA HARVEST THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Gaz: DO IT!

Sherlock: NO-

————

Nikolai: My life is too much panic and not enough disco.

Farah: My life is too much fall and not enough boy.

Krueger: My life is too much chemical and not enough romance.

Sherlock: My life is too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

————

Price: Did you have to stab him?

*Graves, bleeding on the ground*

Ghost: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what he said to me.

Price: What did he say?

Ghost, in a mocking American accent: “What are you gonna do? Stab me?”

Price:

Task Force 141:

Chimera:

Nikolai, nodding: That’s fair.

————

Laswell: Are you guys high?

Price: Are we what?

Laswell: High.

Nikolai: Hello.

————

Sherlock: You were drunk last night.

Roach: No I wasn’t.

Sherlock: You started cutting pineapples at 3am while yelling “Stop hiding, SpongeBob! I know you’re in there!”

Roach:

Roach: But did I find him, though?

————

Graves: I’m an idiot.

Task Force 141:

Chimera:

Laswell:

Los Vaqueros:

Soap: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

Please like, reblog, and feel free to comment and ask questions in the ask box!

[ktlurksforsomereason]

Obxanon is not reliable, they're just directing hate away from the Pates and onto Rudy+Elaine.

I'm gonna say this one time and then I gotta jump this ship. And before I get called a Rudy stan or wtfever, I'm trying to be as objective as possible. No one here is in the right. I just want people to think about the bigger picture.

Obxanon is not reliable, and the way they present the information is bias.

I'm not saying that there isn't truth to their story. I'm not saying that nothing happened behind the scenes. I don't believe the producers when they say they planned JJ's death from the beginning. I don't believe the fake PR that says there is no beef between Rudy and Madison. We know there is. We can see the tension between them in the show, and we can see it behind the scenes. There's proof that something is wrong. But we don't know WHAT and WHY.

What I am saying is that just because obxanon has some truth and some insight, it does not mean that everything they say is true. And the way they are presenting us this information paints everyone in a positive light except Rudy and Elaine. That's bias.

Obxanon excuses the Pate's decision to kill JJ, saying they were "rightfully upset." That was their decision, not Rudy's. That death and the horrible way it was written is on them.

Obxanon also says Elaine was jealous, but doesn't tell us WHY. They say there was conflict between Elaine and the Pates, Elaine and Lilah, Elaine and Madison, but they don't tell us WHY. That leaves it open to speculation, it leaves people to fill in the blanks. Obxanon offers us zero insight into how Elaine felt, why she was upset, why there was conflict. It just paints Elaine as the problem and forces us to guess WHY.

Obxanon says Rudy decided to leave the show and suggests it had something to do with Elaine, but they don't actually tell us WHY. Again, leaves it open to speculation.

Everything obxanon is saying is BIAS. They do nothing to explain Rudy and Elaine's reasons for anything. I'm not saying they're good people and they made healthy choices, but obxanon is trying to imply that they are BAD people and they made HORRIBLE choices. That is bias.

They are HUMANS. They make choices for a reason. If there was actually conflict between Elaine and Madison for YEARS behind the scenes, there are REASONS for this conflict. And we don't know these reasons. Obxanon isn't tell us. Rudy and Elaine aren't telling us. Madison and Mariah aren't telling us. WE DON'T KNOW.

I just need people to really think about the information we're getting from obxanon and why they might be painting it like this. I think it's PR. I think it is distracting us from how angry we feel about the show, and is channeling that anger onto Rudy and Elaine. Who have never, NEVER spoken about this conflict and have never tried to justify anything.

Netflix and the Pates know this fandom. They know how hateful they can be. Will people watch S5 if they’re mad at the Pates for their garbage writing? No. But will people watch S5 if they’re mad at Rudy and he’s the problem and he’s gone? Maybe. Obxanon is just tapping into that anger and hate and fuelling it away from the show and onto Rudy.

You need to remember where we started. Fans love Jiara because they love JJ. So many people love this show because they love JJ. That's obviously clear, look at the uproar over his death. You know why they love JJ? Because Rudy created him and made us love him. Rudy did that. Rudy gave us that.

We would not care about JJ or Jiara if Rudy didn't do the work that he did. And here everyone is, hating on him. Hoping his career fails. Hoping he breaks up with his partner.

That's gross.

I understand why people are mad. Season 4 was a shitshow. Terrible writing, ridiculous plot holes, character assassination, a loss of chemistry between the fan favourite couple. Finished off with a completely traumatizing and unsatisfying death of the favourite character. The show is irreparably damaged.

THAT IS NOT ALL RUDY'S FAULT.

I'm not saying he didn't play a part in it, but it is not JUST on him. And alllllll of that anger is being directed at him in the form of bullying and hatred.

He's a person. People make mistakes. But they also make choices for themselves, and clearly he felt he needed to make this choice. We can't begin to criticize that unless we know the reason and WE DON'T.

I will not watch season 5 and that is the Pate's fault for completely losing the plot. For not understanding why so many fans loved this show.

I also need to leave this fandom because people are so hateful and NO ONE is thinking critically about the situation.

Please try to look at the bigger picture. Please try to understand that these people are human beings. We don't know them. We don't know what happened on that set. We don't know why anyone made the choices we did. So chill out?

Be upset about the show but don't be upset with the actors. They did their job and it's done. Leave them alone.

[cutiecusp]

It's been two years since I've taken these photos, and it inspired a little series... here's part one.

Focus.

Simon Riley x War Correspondent Reader.

Tw. Readers nickname is 'snaps' but still able to be read as you. Mention of war.

"You know how to use that weapon, snaps?" A deep gruff voice rings over the noise of the van.

You balk at the idea of using a gun, you were here to photograph the truth, not take up arms.

"I'll manage." You reply stiffly, eyeing the man behind the voice.

Sitting towards the back of the van is the man you've been warned about. Shoulders wider than your body, a skull mask and a death glare to match... Ghost.

He lets out a dry chuckle, not unkindly.

"You'll learn." He remarks before the comms pick up again and you hear the next part of the mission.

You feel his eyes return to you a few minutes later. Meeting his gaze, you lift your chin slightly in defiance.

"I don't need a babysitter. Just here to do my job." You say, somewhat stubbornly. You had heard that the taskforce 141 and it's members had a reputation for being the best, and you held yourself to a similar standard. You were the best war photographer out there, and you took pride in it.

"Just saying. You gotta be a part of the team, and it's easier if you know how to defend yourself." Ghost leans in a little closer, your legs touching in the cramped van.

"It'll be a shame to have to ship such a pretty thing like you back home in a box."

Your breath pauses in your throat, making you splutter and choke on air. Fully embarrassed, your face aflame, you watch as he settles back into his seat and picks up a conversation with Soap, seemingly unaware of how flustered you were.

'It's gonna be a long trip' you think to yourself.

Simons POV.

This desert was going to kill me. Between Soaps constant chatter and the photographer making moon eyes at me when she thinks I'm not looking, this ride to the next point was torturous.

I would have been fine with a photographer on board, after all, what's another member of the team, after welcoming Alejandro and Rudy, it seemed like everyone had joined us lately. Allowing us to get the job done was my number one priority.

But then she came along. All cute with her camera set up, tact vest that stated she was a member of the press, a lamb to the slaughter. She should be at home, instead of this dusty hellhole.

I raise an eyebrow.

"You know how to use that weapon, snaps?"

Snaps. why did i give her a fucking nickname?

Her face gave me pause, i thought i was icy, but Hades himself has nothing on this woman.

and that chin tilt?

She's mine.

I lean in, using my size to intimidate her a little, see if i can pull some more of that fire from her. For some fucking reason, i cannot look away. Her body close to mine, and watching her flush as i paid her a small compliment tickled a part of my brain i thought was dead forever.

I barely heard Soaps chatter through the sound of blood rushing through my ears.

'Thank fuck i wear a mask.' i think to myself.

@kaeyasfuturewife @xoxunhinged @muneca-lemon-steppa @gardenof-venus @misshugs @soraya-daydreams @frudoo @renpodz @yesornowaitidontknow @thevoiceinyourheadx @shadowdark00 @rynbeerose @lunamoonbby @incredible-walker @identity2212 @pukbadger @urbimom @corvid007 @wordsfromshona @shadows-empress @m00xy @canyonmooncreations @oniraki @evie-119 @havoc973 @kylies-love-letter @ishipdabands @cmbghost @heckinspooks @midwesternwitchery @eggy-yoke @redzluvvesage @masterclassofescapism @s-a-v-a-n-a-34

[anonmousegosqueak]

TIS THE DAY OF TOMFOOLERY.

Take 141 (+friends and enemies) doing stuff

Btw I'ma be totally honest- I have no idea if the non-americans actually do April fools day. And y'know what? I don't really care. I'm already turning sas members into the TwinkForce141, lemme live in my little imaginary world where they do. I'm sleepy and have been up since... A long time yesterday. I get this.

Price

Old man? More like perfect target >;3 The Sargent's have a field day just messing with him, hiding his hats, replacing his cigars, ect. Do they have to suffer the consequences afterwards? I mean obviously. Is it worth it? 100%

Except this year Price has got a little something up his sleeve~

Watch out boys, he's out for revenge.

Ghost

We all know he's the dad-joke king (I saw a really cute hc, I can't remember where it came from. But basically, Si gets his dumb jokes from candy and stuff) but- surprisingly enough he's not a prankster. At least not in my mind, I'm sure some of y'all disagree.

I think he's much more on the receiving end, especially by a shithead Scotsman that he regrets falling for (not like it was his choice to become hopelessly in love with the idiot).

Except this year, he's totally helping Price.

Soap

PRANKER.

Poor Ghost, mans has to sleep with one eye open. He's not sneaky about it either, unless he's working with someone else, you'll *know* one Johnny MacTavish is behind the prank. Just has that flavor, yk?

Gaz

Sneaky baby >:)

I think I stole this from someone (I'll add credits if I remember) but you never suspect Kyle. The amount of times Soap has been blamed for something Gaz has done? He doesn't prank often, but when he does he gets away with it and Soap is a little angrier (still loves him tho)

Roach

Another sneaky baby

Whereas Gaz has pretty privilege, Roach is the favorite child. He's less subtle and Soap tends to get blamed a bit less, but he just kinda... Gets away with it? Runs laps whereas Soap would be on cleaning duty for a month.

Also tends to team up with Gaz for the ultimate prank, or will team up with both Soap and Gaz for the sargent disaster™

Alejandro

Roldolfo

This is kinda where I fall off, the rest of these (except for a random white man, idk who invited him) are a bit less prank-y

But I think Alejandro does enjoy a good first of April.

His pranks are a lot more sweet though, it's almost cute. He'll "prank" the Vaqueros by hiding candy in their gear and stuff. Firm believer in "the best prank is one that everyone likes". I think he also had done a "no I won't get you ___" while actively getting it, but that's only for Rudy.

Doesn't. It's just not really his style. He does watch Ale though, enjoys his cute little giggles as he sneaks a new plush into their bed. Much more likely to make sure the other Vaqueros don't get carried away and kill each other.

König

Horangi

Sweet boy. So sweet and so clueless...

Literally falls for *everything*. I think that's actually how Horangi and him made it official:

Horangi: "hey baby, wanna be my boyfriend? ;)”

König: "!!! Maus, I didn't know you felt the same way!" *Heads off to go plain their wedding*

Horangi: "wait-"

Horangi was gonna say 'no homo', now he's five years in a loving relationship. König will never know, he's just happy his lovely tiger asked first.

Chaotic little prankster, get Kö to scoop him up to make sure he doesn't blow the entire base up. Yet somehow, *somehow* there is only one person he cannot prank. Everyone else lives in fear that a small shouty Korean man will break into their house and replace everything with something else (toothpaste Oreos, hair dye shampoo, ect.), except for a certain tall man who somehow always benefits... He forever will wonder what powers that man holds, all while making everyone else's lives a living hell.

Graves (and shadow-co)

Yup-yup! He gets put at the bottom because he's stinky and I hate him >:( that, and I want him away from my gay Mexican cowboys.

You cannot look at his dynamic with the shadows and tell me April isn't a dangerous month. I think they all extend it too, like all of April is like the 1st. Nothing on the field obvs, but back at base? You better sleep with one eye open fucker, that or you'll be regretting everything that led you to this moment. Dw tho, Graves is fair game and tends to get a bit ganged up on when it comes to pranks >:3

[shadystranger]

—So what changed your mind?

The damnest thing

DEAN: I-I-I don't need you coming up with some way to stop me. I-I-I don't need to get shaky on this thing.

Sam, you tried. And I love you for trying.

Sam, you're the last person I could tell. The last person I could be around because you're the only one that could've talked me out of it. And I won't.

Okay, Sam. Let's go home. Let's go home. Maybe Billie's wrong. Maybe. But I do believe in us.

I can't keep waking up every morning with this false hope. I'm done trying to find a cure, Sammy. I'm willing to live with this thing forever.

—Dean, listen to me - whatever you're doing, whatever you've done, please...

I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam.

—You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you.

DEATH: It's for family [the world] that you must [kill Sam].

SAM: This is where you tell me you're gonna pull the trigger? DEAN: Yeah, it is. We don't have a choice, Sam.

SAM: Now you - you want my permission? (Stammers) You want me to say I'm cool with losing him and losing you all at once? 'Cause I can't do that. I won't say that, 'cause I... (getting emotional) No. I've already lost too much.

Dean? Dean! (Sam is still running, yelling for Dean.) Dean, don't! Dean? Dean! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dean! Hey, hey, hey! Dean!

DEAN: Look, man, I get it. I get it. We have lost way, way too much. And it's hard not to feel like just... cashing out. I felt like that. After Chuck, back at the crypt. But you know what brought me back? You did.

SAM: I know, I know, I'm sorry. I know. But... but what I'm saying is that I don't feel free. and... and sometimes it's... it's like I-I-I can't even breathe. But maybe tomorrow. You know, maybe I'll... I'll feel better in the morning. DEAN: And what if you don't? SAM: I don't know.

DEAN: what I found out about Chuck... it's like-it's like I wasn't alive. Not really. You know, like, my whole life I've never been free. But now... now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life. Without all this crap on our backs.

DEAN: Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that! I won't! SAM: Just put it away, and we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do. [Dean uncocks the gun and puts it away.]

I mean, the world is ending...... the walls are coming down on us...... I look over to you and all I can think about is: I just didn't wanna let you down.

[gotskamstuff]

The more time passes the more hatred I feel towards season 4 finale and JJ's ending 'cause my mind keeps coming up with so many different ways they could've gotten JJ off screen without killing him and without even the need for Rudy Pankow to ever come back to the show ever again.

They could've easily taken advantage of JJ's storyline this season and amplifying it to the point where he felt like leaving his entire life behind, dealing with his identity crisis, losing his family home, being framed for murder and they could've even added a breakup with Kiara to make matter worse and when the Pogues left Morocco for Kildare having JJ simply being like "actually I am not coming back with you" because going back home was too much to deal with for him and have him go on a solo surf trip, staying in Morocco, deciding to start a life in Yucatan where he always wanted to go or whatever.

It would've also been so in character for JJ who always had the tendencies to escape and run away from problems, to make impulsive decisions that didn't always make the most sense. They could've still made the entirety of season 5 without Rudy by having the Pogues clearing his name for him and getting news from him every now and then and in the final episode for the series finale having Kiara being like "hey so, I've been talking to JJ lately and I'm gonna go to *insert whatever place JJ is at*" with this open ending leaving the fans wondering "omg are JJ and Kiara gonna get back together in the future?" "are they going on their surf trip?" and still be happy.

Would the fans have still been disappointed and sad to see JJ go? ABSOLUTELY! But quite literally ANYTHING would've been better than this.

It's just so infuriating thinking of all the possibilities they had in front of them and still making this choice, this is why I am NEVER gonna spare the writers from their part in it.

[pixi4]

**OBX SPOILERS**

Can we talk about the fact that Obx4 is not about good plot, writing or character based story. It's about shock value and fan service.

JJ Maybank, who literally hasn't had a moment of happiness in the 4th season, gets killed by the end so that were shocked and hooked for the next season.

We get one shot of him dead, his friends barely even crying and them BOOM gets buried in the fucking ground in the place that's not even his home, literally plopped into the fucking ground like a piece of rock. Audiences don't even get time to process his random ass death and suddenly John Bs stupid ass monologue shows the flashbacks of JJ and how he was a good friend and all that shit.

If people who WROTE this fucking show can't understand that JJs character goes FAR beyond just being a good friend, then I guess I'm not even surprised by the end.

We were CONSTANTLY shown aspects of JJ that in some other universe would've been properly explored. He's clutches his chest constantly, perhaps suggesting he's got a heart thing or breathing difficulty, his home life is shit and not a single adult gives a fuck. John B is practically stalked by the CPS in season 1, but no one bat's an eye at the fact that Luke abuses JJ. He's got dyslexia and kleptomania which is only ever played for laughs meanwhile Cleos kleptomania is regarded as a serious thing she had to do to survive. He can never sit still and constantly switches back and forth, obviously ADHD coded. Whenever gang argued before, JJ used to pace around and put hands over his ears suggesting he has some bits of PTSD from unstable home environment.

All of THAT exists and is true about JJ yet in John B fucking monologue he's reduced to just "a good friend" ????

Literally NOTHING of his trauma is explored or even touched upon aside from that bit in season 1. NO ONES trauma is explored except for Sarah's (no hate to her) and John Bs.

Fuckin bs.

Imagine being given up by your dad (who killed your mother btw) to a morally questionable man such as Luke, who then proceeds to beat you and emotionally manipulate and torment your for years, neglecting you and abusing you. To then suddenly being told you're not actually his and that all that beating and abuse COULD'VE been avoided had someone actually wanted you. Then you meet the said biological father only for him to lie to you, manipulate you, gaslight you, scam you, attempt to kill you once and then fucking succeed in killing you..... The amount of disrespect for JJs character.

Fuckin Luke, the biggest abuser is JJs story is alive and well and FUCKING JAIL FREE??? WHILE JJ IS IN THE GROUND???

The angry faces of others and Kiaras "revenge" implies that season 5 will be about seeking revenge and sinking further into darkness in order to right the wrongs of JJs murder. But guess what?? Sarah's pregnant. That storyline itself is basically ensuring that happy ending is in sight. For basically all of them, because as Kie said: takes a village (to raise a baby). Motherly vibes are gonna spread their positive energy and then they'll heal and John B will most likely give another boring ass monologue about how People die but they also live and heal and shit and how everybody deserves happiness with shots of the gang raising the kid and riding off into the sunset....

Guess who fucking deserved happy ending THE MOST out of all of them???

JJ fucking Maybank.

Every season of obx focuses on on Pogue. 1.- John B, 2.-Pope, 3.- Kie. Imagine waiting for your own season only for your character to constantly be dealt the worst of cards, be perpetually disregarded and have shit go from worse to worse to in the end fucking die randomly???? If I was Rudy Pankow I'd fuckin sue.

The shit that pisses me off the most is that it's so painfully obvious that Rafe will inevitably get a redemption arc and his own happy ending, possibly even with Kie since people love to ship her with a man who's a) mentally and emotionally not at all alright b) is a murderer who never served his time and got one of her friends framed for it causing him to literally be chased out of his own home for crime he did not commit while he was still a minor c) has tried to kill her d) has tried to kill her best fucking friend, who is his own fucking sister

Infatuation with sociopath men in media HAS to stop. But it most likely will not stop any time soon and JJ is yet another victim of shipping wars.

I can't even read stupid ass fanfics anymore because I'll always remember that JJ is not alive in the Canon anymore.

Who ever gave the green light in the making of the end of season 4, sincerely and disrespectfully, I fucking hate you.

My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.

[mactavishwritings]

i loved the recent post of the relationship angst gosh i love angst !! if you ever do a part 2 of “what kills your relationship” could you write about their pov like them feeling bad or just some good old angst ?

everyone wanted this so here we are. i'm gonna change things up. some will get comfort others will get no comfort.

you can find part 1 here

soap

no comfort

it was a long time coming. you were sitting at dinner and he had made a flirtatious comment to the waitress and she made one back. you were about to burst at the seams. you were so tired, just exhausted, and had no clue what to do. so you told him. you told him that he needed to knock it off. he immediately got defensive, telling you that you were just being sensitive, so you got up and left. he tried to call you, but you just ignored him. if he wanted to talk and flirt with other people, then he could.

ghost

comfort

you never knew how to bring it up to him. you didn't want to cause any issues because you were scared of what may come from it. you let it build up until you broke down to him. he held you as you cried, telling you that he never realized he was doing it. he told you that he would change in order to keep you.

gaz

comfort

you were getting insecure again and you weren't sure if you could handle it anymore. you felt your head pound as you went to Gaz's room. he brought you into his room and you just spilled. telling him that you know it doesn't seem like it's a big deal to him, but it really was starting to get to you. you begged him to see it from your angle and he just listened. he apologized to you, saying that he didn't realize how bad it was getting for you. so he just held you and kissed your head.

price

no comfort

he realized that something was wrong when you stopped meeting him at the base after missions. he went home and asked you about it. you just shrugged and said that it seemed like he didn't want to because of how much he was working. Price then lost his mind on you, just yelling about how much he worked and how you never had to worry about anything because he paid for everything. you didn't have the energy to fight back so you just left. you left him and his words because you had more self-respect than that.

alejandro

comfort

you hadn't seen him in a couple months and you had enough. you texted him to see if he was busy and when he said no, you were already in his driveway. you knocked on his door and when he saw you, everything felt better. he lit up, pulling you inside his house. you sat down with him, ranting about what had been happening with you two. he was shocked, holding your hands tightly, hanging on to every single word. he clung to your side, begging for forgiveness. it made you slightly giggle, tears in your eyes, at his dramatics. you had to kiss him to shut him up.

rudy

no comfort

it was sudden. he came home from a mission, tired and frustrated at the day. he opened the door to a cold, quiet house. he looked around for you and found nothing but a note on the table. it had a light layer of dust, meaning you had been gone for a while. in your note, you said that you could not continue to fear him coming home, not sure what version of rudy you would get. he sobbed at the letter, holding it tightly against his chest, realizing that he was the one who fucked it all up.

könig

comfort

he was the one who brought it up. he said he was thinking about it all lately and he admitted that he had a fault in it, but he would never think about it in the moment. you took a breath and let his words sink in, trying to be fair and listen to him. you spoke about how even just a little touch would be plenty. he sat with you, trying to give you the same respect of listening calmly, and said that he was going to try and be better about being more cognitive about it in the future.

[bitchin-beskar]

lynnnnn you know I'm in my alerudy feels rnnnnnnn so......how do we feel abt alerudy x reader 👁️👁️

B A B E S

also im so so so sorry this took me so long here have a 6,509 wc "drabble" as an apology 🫣

okokok I love this idea. I feel like specifically if this is gonna work though, it's gonna be a reader who's grown up alongside alejo and rudy, has known them just as long as they've known each other, partially because I think one of the reasons I love alerudy so much is that I hc that they've loved each other for most of their lives, even if they don't act on it right away.

so maybe you grew up on the same street as alejo and rudy, becoming an inseparable trio almost immediately. you spent afternoons at either your house or rudy's, as alejo's dad wasn't always the most... pleasant to be around.

the three of you were thick as thieves, causing mischief and chaos everywhere you went. sleepovers and playdates were commonplace, and the three of you spent practically every waking minute together.

as time passed and puberty hit all three of you like a speeding train, you moved from primary to middle to high school. as you got older, you realised just how... attractive your best friends are.

alejo and rudy have developed a fascination with joining the military, especially as the cartel has started to gain a foothold in your home of las almas. you've declared that if the idiots are gonna join the military and try and get themselves killed, then you're gonna learn first aid and medicine and join with them just so you can keep them alive. the twin looks they give you when you announce this make your heart beat faster, although you steadfastly ignore this.

the three of you graduate high school, stopping by the recruitment office that same afternoon, before celebrating on the roof of rudy's house with a bottle of pilfered tequila from alejo's dad's liquor cabinet. there's been ups and downs, but you've all finally made it, survived high school and are now ready to take on the world.

basic training is a bitch, although the three of you pass with flying colors. for the first time in years, the trio gets separated as you go into medical training and alejo and rudy start the gruelling process of trying to get accepted into the Fuerzas Especiales. you keep in touch with your boys as best you can, but it's difficult, feeling like you're moving through life missing two of your limbs, your rocks and supports in the form of one alejandro vargas and rodolfo parra.

it's a few years of this, and then you get assigned to a regiment in the army that's earned the nickname of Los Vaqueros-The Cowboys. You send off an email to rudy and alejo about the assignment, but your boys are suspiciously silent. they've been sparse with their communications with you lately, and it's been a bit worrying. you shake the feeling of something being wrong, and pack your bags to ship out.

it's in the car ride to your new base-and new home for awhile-when you finally get a response, from rudy. you're surprised at the briefness of the response, merely a short line about how you're gonna do great and that he'll "see you soon."

you don't get a lot of time to ponder this strange message before you're arriving. the private driving you explains that the coronel and the sargento mayor are going to meet you and show you where you'll be staying and where medical-your realm-is.

when you get out of the truck, you're promptly introduced to Colonel Alejandro Vargas and Sergeant Major Rodolfo Parra, and you let loose a string of quiet curses. your boys have shit-eating grins on their faces, and you glare at them while the private gets back in the truck to drive away. once the three of you are alone, you practically explode, demanding to know everything, but alejo and rudy are too busy gleefully laughing and tugging you into their arms for a long needed hug.

they're so excited that you're here, and they're so eager to show you around and introduce you to the rest of the vaqueros, who have all apparently been regaled with stories of you and how you'd been alejo and rudy's partner in crime growing up, and they're all thrilled to meet you. you forget about your worries about the previous months of dwindling contact, at least until you meet the other regiment that shares this base. more specifically, the other regiment's leader.

Valeria Garza.

it doesn't take long for you to realize that valeria has managed to wrap your boys around her perfectly manicured finger. alejo had introduced the two of you, and you're sure he'd been figuring you'd appreciate another female presence, but you're instantly on edge when you meet her. valeria reminds you far too much of a snake poised and ready to strike at the first sign of vulnerability.

she's coy and flirtatious, but also extremely violent and ruthless. she riles up alejo, leading to blow-out fights that can be heard across the base, and she's damn near brought rudy to frustrated tears multiple times with her harsh and cutting words. you're left to pick up the pieces, only to have your heart crack when your boys are once more drawn into her orbit, time and time again.

you quickly begin to understand that she's the cause of your boys diminishing their emails to you, but it's not until a direct confrontation with her that you discover that it's deliberate.

it's after a particularly vicious fight between her and alejo and rudy that you stop her in the hall, and ask her point blank why she keeps pushing them to the breaking point. she looks you up and down, and the words she says hit you directly in the gut, harder than if she'd punched you while wearing brass knuckles.

"they're always going to keep coming to me for more. they can't help themselves."

you feel your heart crack even more. "you're just toying with them!"

valeria smirks, vicious and deadly. "and what exactly are you going to do about it, hmm?"

after that, you spend your time avoiding valeria unless absolutely necessary, only interacting with her in professional capacities and doing your best to avoid ever being alone with her. she knows, of course, and she knows that you know that she knows. it comes to a head when the senior officers on base go out for a night at the bar.

you're at the counter with one of your other medical officers, the two of you nursing drinks and watching as the rest of the officers go a little wild. you see alejo and rudy both downing drinks and letting loose, and you're about to head over to them when you see valeria approach the both of them.

your heart is in your throat as she abruptly switches from a smooth, deadly strut to a wobbly, stumbling walk, practically falling on alejo, running her hands all over his chest. rudy-poor, sweet rudy-reaches out to help steady valeria, and she drags him closer so he's plastered against her side.

across the bar, valeria makes eye contact with you, smirks, and turns to plaster a sloppy, uncoordinated kiss on alejo's lips. it's like a natural disaster, you can't seem to look away as he seems to sink into it, before she tears away from alejo to plant another kiss, this time on rudy's lips.

you can't stay in the bar a second more, muttering an apology to your fellow medical officer, throwing a couple bills on the counter, and making your escape. you don't see your boys subtly wiping their lips and passing valeria off to one of her fellow soldiers, nor the way they look over to where you'd been standing, only for their shoulders to droop when they register that you're no longer there.

the next day, you're quieter, blaming it on a hangover that you only wish you actually had, because maybe then you could've forgotten what you'd seen last night. you dodge the efforts of alejo or rudy to talk to you, and you absolutely avoid valeria at any costs. you spend the week like that, actually, retreating into yourself and trying to rebuild the shattered parts of your heart.

and then, the fateful mission, a raid on the son of La Araña. valeria's group was ordered to cordon off the city to prevent his enforcers from causing a bloodshed, while alejo and rudy led the raid.

you were in the medical wing, prepped for injuries, but you weren't prepared for the number of vaqueros who were injured, and the utter lack of valeria's troops.

turns out that valeria and her soldiers were the enforcers for La Araña. they snuck him out of the city, to the mountains. they defected completely and utterly, leaving no traces and zero contact or explanations.

alejo and rudy were furious, searching obsessively for any traces or hints of where valeria might have gone, and you could only watch in sorrow as your boys drove themselves to near insanity in their obsession. even gone, valeria still had her fangs sunk deep into alejo and rudy, and it only broke your heart further.

you tried to help, but after being snapped at repeatedly by a furious alejandro or being outright ignored by an exhausted rodolfo, you stopped trying. you were living on the same base, but you often went days without seeing them, and you honestly couldn't remember the last time you had a conversation with either of them about something other than fucking valeria garza.

it came to a head when alejo snapped harshly at one of the recruits currently laid up in your medbay. the recruit had been following a lead on valeria, but had been ambushed by members of the las almas cartel. he'd come away with only a gunshot wound to the shoulder, a damn miracle in your eyes, but alejo just couldn't let it go that the recruit hadn't somehow managed to predict that the cartel was going to set up an ambush.

"get out."

alejo looked away from the recruit currently doing their best to melt into their bedsheets.

"what did you just say?"

you weren't to be dissuaded. "I said, get out. I won't have you hindering my patients' recovery with repeated interrogations. private lopez has given you a more than thorough debriefing."

the fury in alejo's eyes hadn't dimmed. "do you even care? this is important-"

"I said out, Colonel Vargas. now."

alejo blinked, the fury dissipating in his eyes at the cold tone of your voice and the use of his title and last name. he seemed to realize where he was, and just who he was yelling at, and you saw regret start to creep over his features, but you were done.

"querida, I-"

you turned away to hide the tears in your eyes. you knew if you let him apologize like this to you, your resolve would crack, but nothing would be solved. this only cemented the decision you'd been struggling with for the last few weeks.

"get out of my medbay, colonel."

you refused to turn around until you heard the door shut behind you. you squeezed your eyes shut to try and stop the tears falling, grateful that at least your voice hadn't cracked. after checking in on the private, you head to your office to send off an email. you'd been offered a position at a different base, one that had marginally better pay but came with more responsibility. you'd been debating for awhile, and you wanted to decline, but you couldn't stay here and let your heart be shattered into nothing watching as the ghost of valeria garza consumed your boys.

that night, you made your way up to the roof of the base, a bottle of contraband tequila grasped in one hand. you were going to be leaving in 48 hours, and you wanted one last night out here to look at the stars, because you likely wouldn't have the free time in your new position.

unknown to you, rudy had received an email for him to confirm your transfer, and when he saw it, he immediately tried to find you. when he couldn't, he went straight to alejo.

rudy found alejo sitting in his office, staring blankly at the wall with red-rimmed eyes.

"oh." rudy says. "you know, then."

alejo looks up at his second-in-command in confusion. "what do I know, rodolfo?"

rudy's brow furrows. "about the transfer?"

at alejo's blank stare, rudy shoves the printout of the email he'd been sent into alejo's hands. alejo reads it quickly, his complexion paling drastically.

"what?" he gasps, frantic eyes darting up to rudy's heartbroken ones.

"I don't know, hermano," he sighs, rubbing a hand over day-old stubble. "just showed up this afternoon. went looking, but I can't find her."

"did you confirm the transfer?"

alejo's voice is frantic as he leaps to his feet to fully face rudy, paper crumpling in his fist. when rudy shakes his head, alejo breathes a sigh of relief.

"there's still time, then."

the two of them, in agreement, leave the office and begin their search of the base, looking for you. every nook and cranny is searched, and just when they're starting to lose hope, a recruit approaches them, nervous. she explains that she'd occasionally run into you on the roof late at night when she couldn't sleep, and that she thought that she'd seen you heading in that direction.

alejo immediately beelines in that direction, with rudy shouting a thank you over his shoulder as he follows hot on his colonel's heels.

the boys burst onto the roof, only to fall to a stop as they see you sitting there, back hunched and shoulders shaking as soft sobs fill the quiet night air.

alejo lets out a broken whimper, and rudy's eyes start to fill with tears of his own. he can't help himself, and he calls your name.

your back stiffens, sobs tapering off. "g-go away," you stutter, breath hitching as you try to stop crying. of course, they don't listen to you, and you're quite suddenly bracketed on either side by the forms of your best friends, the men you've been in love with for god knows how many years.

resolutely, you stare up at the stars, refusing to look at either of them. they sit in silence for a moment with you, simply pressing close on either side like they can keep you here merely with their presence alone.

"you were going to leave," rudy starts, voice rough. you bite your lip and have to put your entire focus into continuing to stare at the sky, lest you look over at him and break down all over again. "you were going to leave without even saying anything."

you shrug a shoulder, knowing that you couldn't get any words past the lump in your throat if you tried.

"why?" came the broken plea from alejo on your other side. "I-, was it because of what I said? querida, I can't tell you how sorry I am."

you shook your head, because truly, that wasn't the reason why. it might have been the catalyst, but it certainly wasn't the reason. you hoped they'd just stop pressing, but you should've known better. alejo and rudy bled stubbornness.

"talk to us." rudy begs, leaning harder into your side. "please."

alejo isn't one to be left out, reaching out to gently touch your arm. "what do we have to do to make you stay, querida? whatever you want... please."

the broken whisper of please is what breaks you, and with a sob you bury your face in your hands. immediately, alejo is pulling you into his lap and rudy is plastering himself against your back as both of them murmur reassurances and nonsense in hushed whispers as they try to soothe you.

your face is buried in alejo's chest and your hands clutch desperately at his shirt. he's got his lips pressed against the top of your head, and an hand pressed against the small of your back to keep you pressed flush against him, with your thighs bracketing his hips. rudy is just as close, his face tucked in your neck while his hand rubs soothingly along your side, trying to calm your sobs.

together, the three of you sit pressed against each other on the rooftop, the night quiet except for your muffled sobs, and alejo and rudy's hushed voices. you let the ache of loneliness seep out as the tension drains from your body the longer you cry. alejo and rudy refuse to let you cry alone, wrapping themselves so tightly around you that you can't tell where they end and you begin.

eventually, you run out of tears to cry and you fully slump against alejo's chest. silence falls, aside from the white noise of the base still running efficiently, even at night.

“whatever it is, mi corazón, I promise we’ll fix it,” rudy swears, pressing his lips to your neck like he can brand the promise into your skin. alejo makes an agreeing noise in his throat, but you’re already shaking your head.

“I can’t ask that of you.” your voice is hoarse and scratchy from crying. as much as you want to, you know that you can’t ask them to give up the hunt for valeria. you know your boys, and you know if you’d been the one to betray or desert them, they wouldn’t leave a stone unturned trying to find you, so you can’t imagine how they must be feeling for valeria. as much as you hate her, you can understand where your boys are coming from. they love her. you love them. you’d do the same.

alejo makes a wounded noise. “it’s not your job to ask, querida.” he nudges your face up from where it’s buried in his chest, forcing you to make eye contact. “we’ve been horrid to you, especially with valeria and her troops deserting. you don’t deserve that.”

another tear slips out, trailing down your cheek before it’s caught by alejo’s thumb. his dark gaze is earnest, and it only hurts your broken heart more.

“she’s important to you-to you both,” you add when rudy makes a grumbling noise behind you, one that you mistakenly assume is him reminding you that he’s struggling with valeria’s absence too. “I-I wouldn’t want to interfer with that.”

there’s a pause, before rudy is pulling away from where he’d been nestled in your shoulder. “what do you mean?” he asks, and there’s something in his voice that you can’t quite place.

you fall silent, averting your eyes from alejo’s questioning gaze. you can’t look at him-at either of them, can’t stand to see the pity that will inevitably appear in their eyes.

“querida, what are you talking about?” alejo asks, his voice wavering in a way you hadn’t heard since he confessed to you and rudy that he was bi, way back in high school.

you shake your head, unable to force any words past the lump in your throat. as torturous as it is, you want to prolong this as much as possible, you want to just stay wrapped in their arms and forget for a moment that anything’s wrong, that you could lose this at any second. you feel rudy bury his face in your neck again, his arm tightening around you like he can’t bare to let you go, and you let out another sob.

“this is about valeria?” alejo asks, and you can hear venom in his voice. you curl back into rudy, trying to prepare yourself for the rejection that you know is coming, but then alejo continues. “mierda, what did she do to you? did she say something? I swear to god, I’m gonna kill her-”

“ale.”

rudy’s wry voice breaks through alejandro’s unexpected rant. you blink through the tears in your eyes, looking at the way that alejo pouts at being interrupted before what was sure to be a very creative and impressive string of insults. but your brain can’t really process that, not when you’re trying to wrap your head around alejo seemingly not all that broken up over valeria leaving, not in the way you’d expect him to be after the end of a relationship.

“I-I don’t understand-” you whispered, confusion, sorrow, and traitorous hope swirling in your chest. you’d spent so long sure of one kind of reality, now you’re not sure what to do, if it turns out your previous conceptions were false.

“oh, mi amor,” rudy murmurs in your ear, voice soft and affectionate. “we’ve been so stupid.”

you shake your head, already protesting what rudy is trying to say, ready to insist that your boys are anything but stupid, but alejo-with newfound understanding in his eyes-gently grasps your jaw with one hand. “let him finish, ángel.”

“it was never her, amor. it’s always been you.” rudy sighs, long and slow. “we should’ve seen it sooner. we should’ve noticed how manipulative she was.”

“mmhm, poisonous, como una serpiente.”

your head is spinning with the back and forth, your heart fighting against the cage you’d locked it into, trying desperately to get you to believe that this could possibly be true.

still, a thought lingers in your head. “that night, though? at the bar?”

alejo groans, and rudy chuckles wryly against your throat, still tucked in close. “manipulative bitch.” alejo growls, and you can’t help but let out a quiet laugh.

alejo’s eyes soften, tension bleeding from his shoulders as you seem to finally be coming out of the heartbroken state that you’d been in when he and rudy found you.

“I don’t think either rudy or I realized just how much she was isolating you from us until it was almost too late,” alejo says, voice gone soft and sad. “I just wish we knew why.”

you feel heat rush to your cheeks, and you suddenly wish that there was a nearby corner to hide away in. you know exactly why she’d targeted you the way that she did, but you’d rather die than admit it. you’ve already narrowly avoided losing both alejandro and rodolfo to valeria’s machinations and your own insecurities, you couldn’t bear it if you lost them now because your feelings weren’t reciprocated.

unfortunately, alejo and rudy know all your tells, and they quickly pick up on the way you fall quiet and still.

“querida?”

alejo’s looking at you with a suspicious look on his face, and it almost makes you break then and there. he had this way of looking at you, like he could pluck your deepest, darkest secrets from your mind without your permission and lay them bare, open for all to see. but this was one secret you hoped against hope that he’d be able to avoid bringing to light.

“you know,” rudy breathed, his breath ghosting over your neck and making shivers run up your spine. your body was hyper-aware of the way you were pressed between them, and now that you’d come out of the panicked haze, your mind was starting to catch up to what your body was already aware of. “why, cariño? you can tell us.” he pressed a kiss against the sensitive skin just under your ear, and you had to bite harshly at your lip to prevent the whimper from bubbling out of your throat, even as your eyes fluttered shut.

alejo’s fingers trailed gently over your cheek, his thumb coming up to tug gently at where you’d bit harshly into the flesh of your lower lip. his whispered words, a quiet “tell us,” made you open your eyes again. you’d always been helpless to the whims of your boys, and now was no different.

“don’t make me say it, alejandro,” you whispered back, fearing that if you put it into words, it would ruin everything. “please.”

the dawning light in his eyes told you that he knew exactly what you were trying to say, reading between the lines. he got a faraway look on his face, like he was thinking back over every interaction, every moment he and rudy had spent with you for the last couple decades, looking at it all through this new context.

you didn’t have to look at rudy to know he was doing the same, the way he’d stiffened against your back was more than telling. you began to curl in on yourself, already starting to shield yourself against the inevitable rejections that must be coming. this is why you hadn’t wanted to do this, why you were content to lock it away to never see the light of day.

that just meant you were all the more surprised when rudy gripped your jaw, turning your face away from alejo’s and pressing his lips against yours.

you let out a quiet squeak of shock, eyes flying wide open as one of your hands came up to grip at rudy’s sleeve. but instead of pulling away, he merely angled his head, tilting just so, and slotting his mouth more firmly against yours.

god, you should pull away. you should stand up and walk away from this, right now. there was no way this could end well, that this was ever going to bring you anything other than heartbreak. you weren’t lucky enough to get to somehow keep both of them.

but when rudy’s tongue brushed against your upper lip, you let him in with a soft moan, all fight draining out of your body. you weren’t strong enough for this, to deny your heart what it’d been so desperately hoping for for years.

his kiss was languid, slow and sweet and decadent. rudy’s grip softened on your jaw, simply holding you close as he licked into your mouth. you kissed back as best as you could, your mind still spinning as you tried to wrap your head around the fact that rudy was actually kissing you.

eventually, you had to pull back, the need for air too great. your eyes slowly opened to see rudy looking at you with a soft look on his face. you didn’t get the chance to analyze it too much however. rough fingers brushed against your jaw before your face was being turned back towards alejandro, and he was claiming your mouth with a kiss of his own.

alejo’s kiss was starkly different from rudy’s, but not in a bad way. whereas rudy’s kiss reflected his innate kindness and softness, something that even the military hadn’t been able to change in him, alejo’s kiss reflected his own personality, his fierce possessiveness and fiery passion.

he nipped at your lip, taking advantage of your gasp to plunge his tongue into your mouth. it felt like he was trying to devour you, and god you wanted to let him. alejo drew his tongue along yours teasingly, encouraging you to open up further for him. the wet slide of your lips against his was audible over the blood rushing in your ears, and it only made you more desperate.

as alejo was focused on stealing your breath, both literally and figuratively, you could feel rudy pressing up behind you, his hands sliding around your waist. he wasn’t trying to pull you away from alejo, instead just pressing close, like he couldn’t stop touching you now that he had you.

when alejo finally let you breathe, he didn’t let you go far. trailing kisses down your cheek and jaw, nipping and biting before soothing the sting with his tongue. your head tipped back unconsciously baring your throat to his hungry mouth. rudy gently brought your head back to rest against his shoulder as his lips found your ear, whispering utter filth while he wrapped one strong arm around your waist to keep you steady.

“preciosa, how could you think we didn’t want this? do you have any idea how long you’ve tormented us, our every waking moment, our every dream?” as rudy murmured in your ear, alejo found a spot on your neck that made you let out a breathless little gasp, and he latched on with a ferocity that surprised you, sucking a blooming bruise into your neck. “tell me you want this, want us, querida. por favor, tell us. if-if you ask us to walk away, we will, but-”

your eyes flew open, and one of your hands reached back to clutch desperately at rudy’s arm while the other flew up to bury in alejo’s dark hair, keeping them both anchored against you. “don’t-! please!” you gasp out, terrified at the thought of either of them walking away, now or ever.

rudy shushes you quietly, pressing soft fluttery kisses to your cheek as he soothes you. alejo detatches from where he’s been ravaging your neck, and when your eyes meet his, you can see the dark, wicked satisfaction on his face from knowing your neck is now covered in his marks. he’s always been a possessive bastard.

“you’ve always been ours, princesa,” alejo growls, pressing a biting kiss to your lips as his hand comes up to cup your throat. “we’re not leaving. not unless you want us to.”

you shake your head as best you can in alejo’s grip, your head spinning from the revalations and their touch in ways you’d only ever dreamed you’d get to experience. there’s no reason you’d ever want them to leave, and you’re not really sure how to put it into words. so you simply use your grip on alejo’s hair to bring his lips back to yours, keeping him pressed against you for a moment before you turn your head, seeking rudy’s lips out as well.

rudy chuckles against your mouth, indulging you for a moment before pulling back. “as much as I hate to do this, I think we’d be better off in one of our rooms instead of on the roof, yes?”

realizing that you’re still on the roof and that anyone could come up and see the three of you brings some clarity back to your head, clearing some of haze of lust. while you’re sure at least half the soldiers on base would say somthing along the lines of ‘about time!’, it still wasn’t a great idea to get caught in a compromising position by your fellow soldiers.

“yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” you say sheepishly, and rudy can’t help but laugh again before he pulls away and goes to stand. you move to follow him when suddenly you’re swept up off the floor and into the air. you hadn’t seen alejo move, but suddenly he’s got you up off the ground and thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“ALE! PUT ME DOWN!”

your vision is obscured by the back of his shirt and the light denim of his jeans. you brace your hands on his waist and lower back to try and leverage yourself up and off him, but a sharp slap to your ass makes you squeal. rudy’s laughter echoes in the stillness of the air, and you cross your arms petulantly, even as a small smile crosses your lips.

unfortunately, alejandro is disinclined to listen to your pleas, and he proceeds to carry you over his shoulder all the way to his room, with rudy at his side, pushing open doors and checking to make sure the way is clear. miraculously, you don’t run into any other souls during the march across the base, so you’re save the humiliation of your fellow soldiers seeing their Chief Medical Officer thrown over their Colonel’s shoulder while their Sergeant Major just laughs. you’re not sure how’d you would’ve explained this away, anyways.

reaching alejo’s room without issue is a relief, and you half expected him to just set you down once he crossed the threshold, but you had no such luck. instead, he heaved you onto the bed, your body bouncing comically as the blood rushes down from where it had collected in your cheeks from hanging half-upside down. it takes a moment for you to focus, your head spinning a bit as your center of gravity re-orients itself.

when you’re able to move your eyes about without feeling dizzy, your gaze lands on alejo and rudy. alejo is looking at you with a dark look in his eyes, while rudy is turning back from where he’d stepped away to lock the door.

“you look good on my bed, querida.”

you feel your cheeks burn, totally unused to this seductive side of your best friend. you’ve always known alejo as a smooth talker, but suddenly having all of that charm directed squarely on you is throwing you into a tailspin.

alejo wastes no time, stalking forward and grabbing your ankles, roughly pulling you across the sheets towards him. you squeak, and he smirks down at you.

“you’re wearing too many clothes, ángel. we should fix that, don’t you agree, rudy?”

rudy comes to stand at alejo’s right side, his own expression dark and hungry. “best idea you’ve ever had, colonel.”

really, there was ever only one option you could take here, with your boys looking at you the way they were. you bring your trembling fingers up and slowly undo the button on your pants. alejo groans appreciatively, before he begins to tug the fabric down your legs.

rudy, not one to be left out, climbs onto the bed next to you, his nimble fingers quickly undoing the buttons of your shirt, letting the fabric fall open to reveal your chest, bare aside from the fabric of your bra.

you thank the fucking stars that you’d chosen to wear a front-clasp bra, because otherwise you wouldn’t have been treated to the toe-curling sight of rudy flicking open the clasp one handed, your chest quite suddenly and abruptly bared to the chill of the room, nipples pebbling immediately.

“sit up for a second, mi amor,” rudy whispered, a hand between your shoulder blades as he helped you struggle to sit up, just enough for him to pull your shirt and bra off of your shoulders before he slid behind you, letting your bare back rest against his chest. it gives you the perfect view of alejo, on his knees in front of you, having divested you of your pants, socks and shoes, leaving just a pair of panties as the only thing clothing you now.

alejo’s fingers toy with the waistband of your underwear where it rests against your hips. “can I? por favor, querida.”

all you can do is nod, feeling a flutter in your stomach as alejo grins widely like he was a little boy opening a much desired birthday present and not a grown man about to take your fucking panties off.

he wastes no time, pulling the fabric down your thighs and off your legs, tossing it somewhere behind him without a care in the world.

rudy, not wanting to be left out, trails his fingers up your bare stomach before his rough and calloused hands cup your breasts. you let out a gasp, the texture of his palms so different to yours it’s striking.

rudy kneads the flesh of your tits, his thumbs stroking over your nipples as he presses his lips to that spot just underneath your ear, kissing you softly.

“do you know how long I have dreamt about your tits, preciosa? how soft, how sensitive, how utterly perfect they must be?”

it’s all you can do to shake your head, just barely. he chuckles, breath ghosting across your neck in a soft caress.

“I could never have dreamt anything close to this moment, mi amor. you are intoxicating.”

alejo, not to be outdone, adjusts your legs so that they’re hanging over his broad shoulders. he kisses his way up your inner thighs, nipping every so often, sending jolts of pleasure down your spine.

“can I taste you, querida?”

you can’t think, can barely fucking speak, but there was only ever going to be one answer to his question.

“please-!”

alejo was never one to waste time and he certainly wasn’t going to start now. he buries his face in between your legs, tongue stroking through your folds with the eagerness of a man starved. he was quick to wrap his lips around your clit, suckling with just the right amount of pressure to drive you absolutely insane.

you can’t stop the gasps and cries that escape your lips as alejo eats you out with dedicated precision. you’ve never had a man so dedicated to your pleasure before, it’s a wholly new sensation and you really, really like it.

rudy rolls your nipples with the pads of his fingers, getting you to make even more noises, to the point that you’re worried someone is going to hear, which would be absolutely mortifying. but your boys don’t seem to care about little things like noise complaints and keep torturing you with pleasure.

you can feel yourself approaching your peak embarassingly quickly, it’s been far too long since you’ve been up to getting yourself off, and you are not going to last much longer like this.

“‘m gonna come,” you gasp, moaning when alejo seems to double down in his efforts to push you over the edge. you tilt your head, brushing your nose against rudy’s jaw as you unconsciously seek him out.

always a people-pleaser, your rodolfo is quick to press his lips to yours, kissing you softly even as he plays with your tits and alejo continues to devour your cunt.

you come suddenly, with a sharp cry. your back arches, and rudy is quick to wrap one of his arms around your waist to hold you steady as your hips rock against alejo’s face as your orgasm washes over you in waves. alejo continues to suckle your clit throughout your release, prolonging it far longer than you’d have imagined to be possible, and it’s all you can do not to scream as you fall over the edge in to mindless oversensitivity.

finally, just when you’re about to tip over the edge from pleasure into pain does alejo sit up, hands stroking your trembling thighs as he lets you come down.

rudy is pressing kisses along your neck, one arm still secure around your waist as the other just mindlessly toys with your tits.

“fuck, querida. do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do that?”

you blearily look at alejo just sitting between your thighs, mouth shiny and slick with your come, and you desperately reach for him with grasping hands. he eagerly follows, letting you pull him up so you can steal a kiss, moaning from the taste of your juices on his tonuge.

alejo kisses you slow, languid and deep, hand cupping your face even as rudy restarts his mission to leave a million hickeys on your neck. all you can see, hear, feel, are your boys, and the emotion that swells in your heart is impossible to put into words.

“te amo, mis amores.”

[sansfangirl24]

Invincible s3 ep2 rant below

F YOU CECIL

If you ever touch my baby mark again, I swear we're gonna fist fight

Rex you amazing boy let me kiss you nowww! he was a responsible blorb for onceee :D

F Immortal and Kate too! I'm sorry but it had to be said

acting like your "death" was worse than Rex and Rae's mf you always have a copy! you got to have a break while Rex and Rae and everyone else were immediately thrown back into their duties and you have the nerve to act like you're a victim. Rex and Rae had to go through so much physical and mental pain and recovering! Also why is your brother blaming Rex like what did he do??!! did you say something? And ALSO, you made everyone go through so much pain thinking you were dead and now you're just showing up again acting like you have a place on this team while also getting engaged to that boomer?!

Rex, Rae, Monster girl, Rudy, bullet-proof ya'll are my DUDES now! to be fair everyone other than bullet-proof were already my dudes but still

F EVERYONE ELSE ON THE GUARDIANS (except shapesmith they could never make me hate you sweet boy :3 enjoy your race car bed)

OLIVER KILL THAT OLD MAN FORGET WHAT MARK AND DEBBIE SAY!! MARK FOCUSE ON URSELF AND EVE FOR RIGHT NOW

DEBBIE GOOD FOR YOU GO ON DATES

RAAAHHGJBRBEB-

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #15

Sherlock: Unlike some people, I'm a very mature person. I apologize when I'm wrong. Gaz: But I've never heard you apologize??? Sherlock: Are you saying there's times when I'm wrong? ---- Price: Well, you know what they say, when life gives you lemons... Roach: Put them in a face mask. Soap: Use them in a battery. Gaz: Throw them at people. Ghost: Squirt the juice in life's eyes. Steal life's wallet and assume its identity. Now you are life and hold dominion over all. Your enemies cower at your feet. Price: ...make lemonade, guys. The answer was lemonade. ---- Soap: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case? Gaz: What? Soap: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved. Gaz: Can we go back to the part where you said "when I get murdered"? ---- Graves: I invited you into the woods because I crave the most dangerous game. Soap and Ghost, nodding: Knife Monopoly. Graves: Graves: I was actually gonna hunt you down for sport but now I'm interested in whatever the fuck Knife Monopoly is. ---- Alejandro: I wish we could block people in real life. Rudy: Restraining order. Valeria: Murder. ---- Gaz: Truth or dare? Roach: Truth. Gaz: How many hours of sleep have you gotten in the past week? Roach: Dare. Gaz: Go to sleep. Roach: I no longer enjoy this game. ---- (CW: suggestive) Sherlock: The food is too cute, I can't eat it! Price: Gaz: Nikolai: Ghost: Soap: Roach: You're cute, but I'd still eat y- Laswell: ONE DINNER. Farah: *sighs* Here we go again... Laswell: ONE NORMAL DINNER, THAT'S ALL I ASK! ---- Sherlock: Time for plan G. Nikolai: Don't you mean plan B? Sherlock: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Krueger: What about plan D? Sherlock: Plan D was that desperate attempt half an hour ago. Farah: What about plan E? Sherlock: I'm hoping not to use it. I die in plan E. Nikolai: I don't like plan E. ---- Ghost: Why are you standing on the sofa? Soap: I wanted to see what would happen if I taped a knife to a Roomba. Ghost: Okay... and? Soap: I went to put the tape away and when I turned back around it was gone. I haven't seen it since. (Five minutes later) Gaz: Why are you both standing on the couch? Ghost: RUN AWAY GAZ, RUN AWAY! IT'S OUT FOR BLOOD! ---- [Soap and Graves texting] Graves: where are you Soap: turn around Soap: no the other way Soap: wrong way again Graves: soap where exactly are you?? Soap: at home, but the thought of you turning aimlessly in circles amuses me ---- Price: Do you seriously think you're above the rules? Soap: The stupid ones, yeah. Ghost: If you want me to follow the rules you have to make sure they're not stupid. This isn't a difficult concept to grasp. ---- Farah: Never have I ever... been grounded by my parents. Gaz, exasperated: Every time. She makes orphan jokes every time and she always wins. Alex, horrified: I- ---- Roach: I like your dress. Sherlock: Thanks, it was 50% off. Roach: I'd like it 100% off. Sherlock: Sherlock: The store can't just give out free stuff. Roach: That's not what I- Sherlock: That's a terrible way to run a business, Gary. ---- Soap: *is carrying all the groceries* Ghost: *holds out hand to help* Soap: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold Ghost's hand* ---- Sherlock: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. Sherlock: And I started thinking... Sherlock: Like it was just trying to get food. Sherlock: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck. Sherlock: How would I feel? Krueger: Are you okay? ---- Price: Are you sure you're alright? Ghost, crying: Yeah, i-it's these onions. Price: Ghost: Price: Those are potatoes. ----

[vialovesyou]

𝗳𝗲𝘄 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗗𝗥𝗘𝗪 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗞𝗘𝗬

driving to drew's apartment this late was never ideal, especially since y/n was tired after a long shift having have had to stay longer to help a student land her jumps, which was incredibly hard since the student had two left feet. y/n’s head could have used some advil, and she would have been perfectly happy to stay home and sleep for twelve hours.

but when rudy called her, groaning and saying your boyfriend is wasted and won't shut up about you and you need to come pull him him to bed, she went. it was as simple as that, partially because drew was stubborn when sober and only got worse as the night went on (code for he won't listen to anyone but her )and partly because y/n got a sweet kick out of his clinginess and extra loving.

when y/n finally knocked on the apartment door, the sound of austin sighing finally as he swung open the door doesn't surprise nor offend her. madelyn and madison scurried over, welcoming her with hugs and jokes about how sorry they were that they had to call her while chase and rudy tend to the drunken blonde.

" it's alright " y/n reassured. " i don't mind "

the tv was on playing a re-run off star wars, as beer cans and empty solo cups littered the table. pink floyds's dark side of the moon played from a speaker nearby as monica approached. drew was reclined back on the ground, an arm thrown over his eyes while his other tapped along to the song. monica crouched down next to him and could hear him humming the tune.

jd stood behind y/n, feeling a little helpless " he's been talking about you nonstop since he got, like, three shots deep "

" and as much as we love you guys together " madelyn added, leaning into chase's side. " he doesn't listen very well once he gets started "

y/n shot them a smile over her shoulder before speaking. " it's okay, i get it. you guys can go if you want, this might take a while " y/n hummed, causing everyone to bid there farewells before they left since they were exhausted. madelyn, madison, chase and jd all left to their respected apartments while austin and rudy went into their rooms as monica turned her attention back to the troublesome boy. " drew? time for bed "

" i told you to fuck off, madelyn. i just want to see my girl " he grumbles without moving an inch causing y/n’s heart to flutter at the nickname. " your girl? " she questioned, a teasing smile on her face.

" yeah, you know the beautiful one?"

" might ring a bell " she muttured, shifting so her legs were crossed in a basket beside him. " yeah, well, she's the most.... the most beautiful person in the history of... of forever. so get outta here and go flirt with chase or somethin' " he lazily waved her odd, mumbling something she didn't quite hear.

a smile fought it's way onto y/n’s face as she gently placed her hand on the smooth pane of his shoulder. " oh, but i wanted to flirt with you instead. how's that sound, hm? "

drew quickly pushed her touch away, seemingly still not recognising his own girlfriend. " it sounds like my girl is gonna come for you any second now, so watch it blondie. she might be small but fuck me she can be scary " drew slurred his words as he spoke, pulling a laugh from y/n’s lips. she gently took his wrist in her hand to remove his arm from his eyes and pressed a kiss where her fingertips touched him. his eyes stayed closed, as he jutted his chin in the opposite direction in protest.

" drew, baby, i'm not killing anyone any time soon " she spoke, leaning over his chest while running a hand through his hair. he opened one eye, suspicious of her claims but quickly realised it was her , and turned to look at y/n like he'll never get the chance to do it again, his expression swallowed by a smile. " when did you get here, darlin' " he asked, smooching kisses against the girls face causing her to scrunch her nose up.

" oh, just now " she answered, laughter lacing her words. " rudy called me over " she pressed a kiss to his forehead before sitting back up, her hand quickly engulfed by his.

" you should've come sooner " his other hand made it's way to her thigh, smoothing over her skin. " i was waiting for you by myself, and - " he abruptly sat up- " there's something i have to tell you " he whispered, casting a glance to his bedroom door. " it's top secret "

with him this close, y/n could smell the vodka on his breath. " yeah? what is it? " she asked, looping her arms around his neck as he pulled her onto his lap causing her to straddle him. her fingernails scratched at the nape of his neck, to which he instinctively responded by wrapping his arms around her waist and rubbing the palms of his hand along her back.

" this is top secret, classified information, sweetheart. you can't just get it for free. everything comes with a price !" he grinned slyly, tugging her closer. knowing drew, she already knew where this was headed but played along anyway " name it, then. i'm sure we can strike a deal somehow " y/n fed into him.

he mulled over his words before speaking " hear me out "

" i'm listening " y/n reassured, shifting her hips so she could sit more comfortably. " you " he pointed at her chest. " give me three -no, five kisses for the info up front" when y/n raised her eyebrows in suspicion, he continued. " and every follow up question is worth another kiss "

[sleepybabybees]

Time for more shenanigans because I enjoy doing these-

Honestly- expect everyone at this point-

---

Price: Are you a painting?

Nik: What-?

Price: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Graves: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIM OR SOMETHING-

---

Price: Two years ago, I married my best friend.

Price: Graves is still mad about it, but me and Nik were drunk and thought it was funny.

---

Price: Are you ready to commit?

Nik: Like, a crime or a relationship?

---

Price: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

Laswell: ...I'm gonna kill him-

Nik: katie- no-

---

Laswell: Caw caw, motherfuckers.

---

Laswell: Where the devil is Graves?

Nik: Well, it is raining outside... Maybe he melted?

Price: Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?

Laswell holding back a laugh: I hate that I found that funny- fuck you-

---

Price: Are you good?

Laswell: In what sense?

Price: Generally.

Laswell: Oh, definitely not.

---

Price: Fine! Judge all you want but...

Price, points at Nik: Married a lesbian.

Price, points at Graves: Left a man at the altar.

Price, points at Ghost: Fell in love with a Scottish soldier

Price, points at Laswell: Threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire.

Price, points at Soap: Lives in a box!

---

Graves: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Nik: >:O language

Laswell: Yeah watch your fucking language

Ghost: Okay, who taught Laswell the fuck word?!

Price: 'The fuck word'.

Soap: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Laswell: Oh my god they censored it

Price: Say fuck, Soap.

Laswell: Do it, Soap. Say fuck.

---

Ghost: If I fall…

Price: I’ll be there to catch you.

Nik: *looks at Graves* What if I fall?

Graves: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.

Soap: *watches these two interactions*

Soap, to Laswell: And if I fall?

Laswell: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

---

Nik: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Laswell: No.

Gaz: I did not.

Ghost: I may have actually forgotten one.

Soap: Also no.

Nik: Oh good, neither did I.

Price: *Exhausted sigh*

---

Alex: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?

Alejandro: No. No, Alex, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Alex calls Farah. Number five: Rudy gets eaten by a shark.

Rudy: I’m Rudy, and I approve the order of that list.

---

Rudy: Farah, I have a couple of words to say to you.

Alex: Please let those two words be “I’m sorry.”

Alejandro: I’m ready with the bleep button if not.

---

Rudy: Those darn tall old people.

Farah: Darn em' indeed.

Alex: Don't worry, they'll be gone soon enough.

Alejandro: *sharpening knife* Yes. Dead.

The Squad:

Alejandro: Hahaha.

Alejandro: ...Is this self-destructive behaviour?

---

Alejandro: That's ridiculous, Rudy doesn't have a crush on me.

Farah: Yes, he does.

Alex: Yes, he does.

Valeria: Yes, he does.

Rudy: Yes, I do.

---

Alex: Why do you act like we’re three year olds?

Rudy, exasperated: WHY?!?

Rudy points at Alejandro: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!

Rudy points at Farah: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!

Rudy points at Alex: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!

Rudy: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????

---

Rudy: Hey Farah, wanna third wheel on my date with Alejandro tomorrow?

Farah: Sure.

Rudy: Alex! Wanna third wheel on my date with Alejandro tomorrow?

Rudy: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!

Farah &amp; Alex: ...

Alejandro: Rudy...

---

Alejandro: I love you.

Rudy: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Alejandro and Rudy kiss passionately*

Alex, to Farah: You owe me 20 dollars.

---

Alex: *tapping fingers on table*

Rudy: *taps fingers back furiously*

Farah: …What’s going on?

Alejandro: Morse code. They’re talking.

Alex: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -

Rudy: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

---

Alejandro: Why are your tongues purple?

Alex: We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Farah: I had a red one.

Alejandro: oh.

Alejandro:

Alejandro: OH.

Rudy:

Rudy: You drank eachothers slushies?

---

Soap: Why is Gaz crying on the floor?

Ghost: he's drunk.

Soap: And?

Ghost: he saw a picture of Roach's husband.

Soap: But he's Roach's husband?

Ghost: I know.

---

Ghost, referring to Roach and Gaz: Those guys are dorks.

Soap: Yes, but they’re our dorks.

---

Soap: Who would you swipe right for? Gaz or Ghost?

Roach : I would delete the app.

---

Soap: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Gaz: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

Ghost: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Roach : My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

---

Roach : How is the most beautiful person in the world?

Gaz: *blushing* I—

Ghost, butting into the conversation: Soap is perfect, thanks for asking.

---

Eskell: You really believe in Shepard?

Oryn: Mmm… Luckily, he believes in himself enough for the both of us.

---

Shephard: Is this your plan B?

Eskell: Technically, this is plan P.

Shephard: Plan P? Is there a plan M?

Eskell: Yes, but I marry Oryn in plan M.

Oryn: I like plan M.

---

Shephard: *Reading a letter*

Oryn: Well, what does it say?

Shephard: It’s a confession letter. It turns out Eskell killed my pet rock.

---

Oryn, about Eskell: Can I tell them they look nice?

Shephard: Sure.

Oryn: Can I tell them I respect them?

Shephard: Maybe, if they ask.

Oryn: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs?

Shephard: …

Shephard: I’d save that for later.

---

Eskell: *pitches an idea*

Shephard, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!

Oryn, under their breath and dialling laswell: Yeah, a lawsuit.

---

Horangi : That sounds super! Doesn’t that sound super, Konig?

Konig: No.

Horangi : I think I speak for Konig when I say it sounds really super.

---

Konig: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Horangi : Peonies, why?

Konig:

Horangi : Were you going to get me flowers?

Konig:

Horangi :

Konig: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

---

Horangi : I want a bf.

Konig: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.

---

Konig: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Horangi : Okay.

Konig: And make out during the scary parts.

Horangi : Th-

Horangi : The scary parts.

Horangi : Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

---

Horangi , taping a knife onto a Roomba: Be free, my child.

Konig, entering the room with a small cut on their ankle: Who the f-